


What Others See When We Look Away

by navaan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Feelings Realization, Flash Fic, M/M, Pining Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 10:31:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14809676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navaan/pseuds/navaan
Summary: “What’s that?” Sam asked and looked at Steve critically. He should have know that Sam would notice even the casual way he’d put the phone aside. “Steve, really? It’s bad enough we’re on the run like common criminals, don’t tell me you’ve just bought a phone with cash to keep in touch with your CIA girlfriend.”





	What Others See When We Look Away

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the cap-ironman MCU Bingo Card square “Steve Rogers has issues”.

“What’s that?” Sam asked and looked at Steve critically. He should have know that Sam would notice even the casual way he’d put the phone aside. “Steve, really? It’s bad enough we’re on the run like common criminals, don’t tell me you’ve just bought a phone with cash to keep in touch with your CIA girlfriend.”

He must have winced. Because Sam’s slightly mocking grin immediately turned into that very attentive “Steve? What have you done now?” look. Already, the whole thing felt ridiculous. 

“Sharon is not my girlfriend,” he said slowly. “Also don’t you think with all she has done for us, she’s in enough trouble? She doesn’t need me to make it worse. This is for...”

“You _are_ trouble,” Sam conceded. “Most days in a good way. I’d follow you into battle any day of the week, and she would too, but, man, you have issues. You need to figure out your act, Cap, because I’m not going to have your back when this blows up in your face.”

Steve did meet Sam’s eyes then, thinking of Hawkeye and Wanda who had left the city without them, so they’d draw less attention as a group. They were all playing the undercover game like they hadn’t done anything else all their lives. “What’s this, Sam? I have issues, because I bought a burner phone? With cash, like a good agent? Isn’t that exactly what Natasha would tell me to do?”

“Because you bought _two_.” Sam folded his arms in front of his chest and just watched him with eyes that said, “I know what you did, Mister, don’t try to hide it.” His mother used to have that look when she had wanted to hear the truth. And Steve felt ridiculous with the baseball cap and the slight graze of a beard on his face and the fake nerdy glasses. Natasha would have been proud to see what he’d learned about hiding in plain sight, but _that_ wasn’t what he was thinking about right now. 

Tony. 

He was thinking about Tony. 

Because Tony would laugh at him if he could see him like this - dressed like someone who wasn’t born in the 40s and pretending not to be himself. Tony would have had laughed at him, yes. Not a pleasant laugh. No, that one laugh that made you feel like you’d never get close to him, never reach him. Mocking and distant. The laugh that was an armor he must have been wearing for much longer than Iron Man.

A month ago, it would have been a fond laugh - maybe - if Tony had caught him playing undercover games. A few weeks ago, if Steve had turned up on the doorstep of the tower dressed like this - yes, Tony would have laughed in a teasing, surprised way. But back then Steve had never actually thought about turning up at his doorstep or going back to the tower for too many stupid reasons. 

Pepper. Avengers Compound. Training. Work. Missions. _Pepper_.

Mostly he’d tried to avoid seeing Tony in a happy relationship - not because he didn’t think he deserved it, but because it made something painfully twist and coil inside of him every time he heard about it. He hadn’t even noticed the two of them splitting up, because he’d been so busy looking anywhere but at the two of them.

Realizing _that_ had finally helped him put a name to both the darker and lighter parts of the emotions every mention of Tony stirred in him. He just hadn’t realized how obvious he must have been, if Sam had noticed.

Sam was still studying him, no judgment in his eyes, just the question he hadn’t asked yet lingering between them. 

“I sent the other phone to Tony,” he finally admitted, because sooner or later he would have to tell the truth to someone and Sam deserved the truth after Steve had led him down this road.

“I figured,” Sam said and rolled his eyes as if that was obvious.Then he sighed and clapped Steve on the shoulder. “You know, the two of you deserve each other. Issues. So many issues. It’s not even funny. Can’t you do anything the easy way, man? Pick the nice girl over the man with as many issues as you have?”

He thought about Bucky and Tony - and Clint who couldn’t go back to his family right now and Wanda who was feeling bad for leaving Vision behind like she had, and all the people who’d gotten hurt while Steve had just been trying to do the right thing; while Steve had single-mindedly tried to save his best friend. “You know I try sometimes and it always ends up this way. I just wanted to join the army and now look at me. Here I am. Going on 100 years and still no clue what I’m doing when it comes to...”

Finally, that made Sam laugh. “You're hopeless. Organized and driven and inspiring and a good leader. But hopeless. Remember, when we met? I told you to figure out what you want and you said you had no clue?”

Steve nodded. “I didn’t really understand it myself then.”

“Oh, _I_ know,” he said. “It’s endearing even though it’s annoying. Let’s just hope Stark sees it the same way when he’s had some time to cool down and think about things.”

Steve had no illusions about that. Tony had been hurt. This wasn’t about pride reputation or even betrayal. Too much had come together. There was a reason why Steve hadn’t asked him to help with Bucky, why he hadn’t told him the truth about who had killed his parents. Hell, if he’d had a say in it _Bucky_ would never have had to remember that part either. Bucky had liked Howard. He wouldn’t have killed him, if he’d had a choice.

Telling Tony would have been the right thing to do though.

“He won’t…” Steve started. “I sent a phone and a letter, so he knows he can call us when he needs us.”

“Us being you.”

Steve shrugged. “It’s not like I said anything about me and…”

“Maybe you should?” Sam suggested with a grin. 

“Won’t make anything better.”

“No,” Sam admitted, “not right now. But the two of you need to stop not saying things when it’s so obvious that there’s too much emotion involved. Do you think if he weren’t feeling anything for you this would have happened in the first place?”

The truth there was: Steve wasn’t sure.

“Look he came to me on the Raft. He seemed to be ready to admit he’d been wrong and go help you. After the airport. After Rhodes. Come on? You’re both idiots.”

Steve only needed to remember his own relief when Tony had turned up in Siberia - to help. Now he realized that even that had been orchestrated, because Zemo had known how Tony would act better than Steve.

“Oh,” he said and realized that other people had seen things, because they hadn’t so purposefully looked away from what was going on between Tony and Pepper. He’d let this happen, because he had decided not to be observant. “I _am_ an idiot.”

“Yes,” Sam agreed. “A bit of one. Sometimes.”

“Do you think he’ll… call?”

Sam shrugged. “Not right now maybe. Don’t know the guy well enough to tell.”

Steve nodded, mulled things over, thought about the other Avengers and all that had happened. Steve pulled the phone from his pocket and stared at it. Should he call Tony instead? After he’d given Tony some time to figure things out?

Noticing his forlorn expression, Sam shook his head. “You’ve got issues, man,” he said and laughed.

He smiled. “I’ll figure this out.”

Sam laughed some more. “You better, because your pining face is hilarious.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me for fic updates on [tumblr](https://navaanwrites.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/navaanwrites). This fic has a post on the tumblr [here](https://navaanwrites.tumblr.com/post/174428480899/what-others-see-when-we-look-away-navaan) in case you want to share it. It also has a page on my [Dreamwidth](https://navaan.dreamwidth.org/603481.html).


End file.
